I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
