so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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