I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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