I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
