A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize