I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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