i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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