Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
