why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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