we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
