i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
