I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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