Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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