Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
