That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
