i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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