Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
