My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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