I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
