my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
