Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
