i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
