he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
