I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
