Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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