I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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