I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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