I got chris browned last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize