im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
