im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
