Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
