I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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