I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
