My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize