i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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