you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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