She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
