Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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