I cannot find my penis.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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