OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
