I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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