Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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