I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
