How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
