How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
