I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
be right there i have to get my cape
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
