i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
