You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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