how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
