Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
