Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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