Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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