We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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