Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
