20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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