She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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