Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
