wanna go halves on a baby?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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