blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
