Whatcha textin bout Willis?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
