someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
