On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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