I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
