That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My bed is full of blood and feathers
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
