the new term for farting is butt boxing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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