i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
