i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
