So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think my tv is drunk
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
