ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
