I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
